Serviced Offices Basingstoke

Do not you wish you had written it?


Subject: Passport Application


Sir,
I am renewing my passport, but I'm a total loss of
understand or believe the hoops I was asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of TV Rentals Basingstoke has my email address
and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them
in 1994, and yet the Government is still asking me where I
born and when?

How is Nice West African immigrant who arrives Chappy around each
Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video
I had a lot since he started his business up eleven years ago, but
you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two
were with contractors working for the government?

How come the TV detector van can tell if my TV is on, the channel
I looked and if I paid my license or not, and yet if I
winning the lottery run by the government, they have no idea where I won and I
h and keep the bloody money to if I demand
time.
Have you people do it by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including
one with all the tax forms, I filed over the past 30-odd.
It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, the last
I had four passports, all those stupid customs declaration forms
I had to meet before being allowed off the planes and boats over
past 30 years, and all forms of identification that are made unbearable
every ten years and voter registration forms, I have to
complete, by the law, every time our lords and masters are up for reelection.

Someone please take note, once and for all, I was born in
Maidenhead March 4, 1957, the name of my mother Mary, his daughter
name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I would absolutely
surprised if ever changed between now and the day I die!

I am sorry Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But
between you and me, I simply had enough! You send the application to my
home, then you ask me my address. What's happening? Do you have a
band of Neanderthals working there? Look at my pictures of shit. Do I look
like bin Laden? I do not want to activate the Fifth Reich for God
love! I just want to go park my weary back on a sun, beach
for a couple of well deserved rest of the week away from all this shit.

Well, I gotta go now, because I have to go back to Salisbury and
obtain a copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last.
AND at 60 quid! What a noise it is! Would it be so
complicated to have all services in one place to facilitate
issuing a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn
easy and maybe make sense. You prefer to run around
like chickens with our heads cut off, then find a tosser to confirm
it's really me on the photo cursed - you know ... one where
We are not allowed to smile, if we look as if we enjoy
the process!
Hey, you know why we can not smile? Because we are totally looted off!

I served in the armed forces for over 25 years including over ten
years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I had security
clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet office, five seats away from
Prime Minister when he was informed of the first Gulf War
and.